Top 3 Lessons From Our Senior Dog

Three years before my husband and I wed, we moved into an Atlanta apartment, along with my long-haired Calico. 

Soon after we settled in, we wanted to adopt a kitten.  We were fortunate to live only a couple of miles from the Atlanta Humane Society, where we found one of the best cats who ever lived, Figaro (story for another time).

We had zero intentions to introduce a dog to our apartment.

A week after adopting Figaro, who was only maybe eight weeks old, it was time to bring him back to the Humane Society for a follow-up vet appointment.   For whatever reason, my husband and I decided to walk next door afterwards and look through the window at the dogs.

We peeked inside and saw what was to become our Jack Russell-mix puppy, Jake, sitting all alone, while a litter of at least six to eight of his siblings played beside him.  He seemed to pay no attention to them, while he continued to meditate or who knows what.  As we look back, it still feels like the moment was meant to be.

That day, something told us not to leave until he was ours.  We have never been the Black Friday deal-grabbing types, but our determination to grab this popular pup would’ve had our closest family and friends guessing otherwise.  After at least 30 minutes of struggling with other couples, he was OURS!  Ha!

I’ll never forget how we justified adopting him.  “Oh, he’s the perfect size for the apartment!”  We know, now, that the size makes no difference, in terms of destruction.  “Oh, look, what a calm and quiet puppy he is!”  We discovered in 24 hours that he must’ve been really tired, when we saw him at the Humane Society, because boy, did he perk up!

He and Figaro soon became the best of friends and brothers.  They did everything together and tumbled across the living room numerous times a day.  Soon, we also discovered that our Jake was a feisty and fearless little guy who intimidated much larger breeds even as a puppy.  He also valued his nap time… a LOT.  For the first couple of years, we assumed it was because he was young and needed his rest.  He reached far beyond the realm of puppyhood, before we realized that this could no longer be our go-to explanation.  The dude just likes to sleep.

Flash forward many years later, Jake is a grouchy old man, but we feel as if nothing has really changed.  Between the sleeping and the attitude, he was sort of that old man from day one.  We assumed we were taking a calm and sweet puppy home, and the puppy turned out to be a very spirited dog, instead.  No complaints.  We only love him more for it.  He fits right into this spunky family.

Jake is 14, suffers from arthritis, is incredibly demanding and needs a great deal of assistance to stand up.  He continues to eat well, and we are keeping him as happy and comfortable as possible.

Like anyone who has ever met similar obstacles, we have learned so much from Jake and this experience.  If the lessons of our wisdom can be relevant at all to you, allow us to share a few of them.

1.     That’s the spirit!

Jake may no longer have perfect senses and require mobile assistance, but boy, he hasn’t lost his gumption! 

He’s an alpha, through and through.  He doesn’t care if you think he’s small.  He’s a fearless, son-of-a bitch (literally and figuratively).  If he’s in the yard and the neighbor’s American Staffordshire Terrier comes outside, he will try his hardest to charge at him.  That is, after he receives proper assistance standing up. 

If I pass in the winter of my life, I pray I go out with my boots on the way Jake clearly will.  This is an extremely bright, old lad who can still learn new tricks. 
 

2.      If possible, strengthen your core and upper body.  You never know when it may come in handy!

When I began strength training years ago, I knew it could pay off for health reasons (or for the purposes of knocking a guy flat out in a parking deck).  After delivering an over ten pound infant, I was thankful for the years I put in because carrying her around, even now that she’s nearly five years-old, isn’t as challenging as it could’ve been if I had not put in the time. 

Jake is approximately 50 lbs.  Let me just say that picking up Jake is not like picking up a stationary, 50 lbs. bag of dog food.  I cannot imagine the number of accidents that could’ve happened, if I could not carry Jake outside with moderate ease.  It’s not just essential for restroom breaks either.  Jake requires assistance getting comfortable and going to the kitchen for the giant water dish, because evidently, water from anything else isn’t good enough.

3.      Relish in the final months, days, hours…

It’s difficult for my husband and I to take much for granted, least of all our final moments with Jake.  We certainly didn’t need lessons of the past to teach us the importance of gratitude, but we’ve had many. 

Like others, we’ve lost loved ones and fur children abruptly and unexpectedly.  We have faced the difficult decisions involved with putting down our dogs and cats and prayed that Jake will pass away in his sleep. 

Jake can appear ungrateful and very difficult, at times.  Let’s just say that he’s always been a vocal communicator.  It can be frustrating, when he demands to be repositioned, after I’ve already adjusted him during a hectic morning for the 20^th time.  However, I try to remember that he’s comfortable and has a healthy appetite right now.  This means that we won’t have to put him to sleep today. 

 
Our Jake has taught us so much as parents.  He became our dog, when we were in our early 20s and poor.  He loves us, wealthy or poor.  He only cares that he is loved and has been more than forgiving of our past and continued imperfections. 

When he passes, we will be forced to find a new “normal,” because it’s difficult to remember life before him.  I’m not sure what that will look like.  However, I do know that I am very grateful to have the privilege to be his mother.

Why Do Expecting Parents Want a Mini-Me?

When I worked for one of the top global agencies years ago, my team and I concentrated on a large campaign for a major personal care brand, with which almost everyone is familiar.  The campaign spotlighted the beauty of real women of all sizes and takes the audience's presumably low self-confidence for a positive spin.  Since it was launched, the brand has received a great deal of buzz and viral attention.


Every day, I come across another article or blog post about how the country's expanding waistlines, seemingly flawless celebrities. etc. are decreasing self-confidence and increasing depression.  It explains the success of diet plans and plastic surgeons.  Most people are their own worst critic.

However, if you look into the hopes of expecting parents, one of the first things you'll uncover is their desire for the child to be just like they are.  If so many people are self critics, why?  You hear fathers who want their sons to look like they do, play football like they do, what have you.  Mothers are the same way with daughters.

Deep down, are most people egomaniacs?  Why do they want someone to be just like they are, if they claim to be so flawed?

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I was totally baffled by other expecting parents' desire for a clone.  I didn't want my child to be anything like me.  It isn't because I dislike myself, but I think I'm far from perfect and certainly not worthy of duplication.  When others asked why, I argued, "One of me on this planet is more than enough!"

I didn't want to have a daughter with my hair, looks and personality.  In fact, I wanted a boy.  Badly! 

I was a high risk patient who received numerous ultrasounds.  During a 13-week ultrasound, a seasoned technician asked if I was interested in her guess on the sex of the baby.  She could tell by looking at the pelvic area that the baby is a girl.  I hoped she was wrong but knew deep down that she knew what she was doing.  By the time the sex could be more accurately identified, it was revealed again that it's a girl.  My reaction:  Oh, shit!

Today, my daughter is four.  To my husband, she is, without a doubt, a mini version of me.  She has the same expressions, personality, hair color (down to the highlights), etc. as I.  In spite of all of this, I love her to the moon and back.  It may come back to bite me, when she becomes the teenager that I was, but it doesn't even occur to me, most of the time, how alike we are today.  To me, she has her own personality, and I relish in all of our little moments.

I am a confident individual, but I guess I don't love myself enough to want a carbon copy.  It's still a mystery to me why others do.  All I can say I guess is, good for you?

I Love Dogs More Than Humans: Part I

Okay, I love dogs more than most humans.  I won't bother to go into an explanation for people who believe that this statement is ludicrous (at least not right now).

What's up with the couples who have a baby and ditch their dog?  A nice high school classmate of mine started a Facebook group for our class, and one of the other classmates shared her blog.  Unfortunately, I came across a post she wrote listing the top reasons she wants to give away her dogs.  Apparently, she claims that she used to be a dog person, before her children entered the picture.  She supports this by discussing past experiences with a doggy daycare, trainers, whatever.  Now, they're a great inconvenience in her life, and she complains about stupid things, such as the reality that dog owners like herself have to remove poop that's stuck near their dogs' behinds.  Big freaking deal!

You're going to abandon your dogs, because it's annoying that your kids give you a play-by-play of their actions and the occasional poop on their fur?  Wow, way to show your dedication as a parent to a human.  You're not a dog person; you're an asshole, like most humans.  Welcome to the majority.

Yes, if you ditch your dog just because a baby enters the picture, my immediate reaction is to question your ability to parent a human well.  For the most part, I think the excuses are lame.  We've all heard the following:

• It'll be overwhelming to have a dog AND a baby at the same time.
• We are/I am afraid that our dog will be aggressive towards the baby.

Uncommitted candy asses.  I hate to break it to you, but you're going to need a big set to be a decent parent.  If you won't bother to apply simple preparation techniques to train the dog to welcome a baby into the home, good luck.  There's a solution for most of their concerns.  I just don't think they're dedicated enough to make them happen, so I suppose these poor dogs deserve a better pet parent anyway.  Unfortunately, some end up at the pound or in worse homes.

I sincerely hope these parents will be more committed to their human offspring(s)!  More so, I pray that dogs find the true love and loyalty they all deserve, because they give no less to humans.

Contribute to Our Alcoholism Shower

'Tis the season for weddings.  However, first, come the wedding showers.  For well over a decade now, narcissism appears to be on the rise in the form of these showers, and the shock of it hasn't worn off for me.

When I was growing up in the Greater NYC area during the 80s, a maximum of two showers were the norm.  A bride may expect one with family and friends and another at the workplace.  As I entered into my 20s, this changed drastically.  Now, the expectations are as follows:

• Bridal Shower x 2 Minimum
• Groom Shower x 2 Minimum
• Couples' Shower
• Stock the Bar Shower

Really?  A stock the bar party?  It's difficult to imagine something tackier than asking for people to contribute to your alcoholism.

Am I missing anything on the list of shower themes?  Probably so. 

Don't get me wrong.  As long as it isn't abused or consumed heavily by someone who's about operate heavy machinery, I have no problem with alcohol.  I'm from a stereotypical Irish family, after all.  Even so, are these people freaking kidding with the stock the bar events?  Unfortunately, not.

As if being a wedding guest isn't costly, the wedding party have to worry about multiple shower gifts AND  the wedding gift.  A bridesmaid, for example, already dishes out a minimum of $150 (pre-alterations) on average for a gown she'll stuff in the back of her closet, jewelry, hair, makeup, bachelorette party and travel.

When my husband and I got married nearly 12 years ago, the multiple showers were becoming popular.  I requested not to have a single one.  We were planning what was virtually the anti-wedding, and we wanted "our day" to be a minimal burden for our guests.  We felt badly asking for much, considering many of them already had to make travel arrangements to NYC for the nuptial.  The last thing we wanted to do was add to their travel and lodging expenses by registering for wedding gifts and inviting them to numerous showers.

Why do other couples expect others to break the bank just because THEY make the decision to tie the knot?  I've heard multiple arguments on each side, and the entitlement mentality side of the argument is truly eye-opening.

What's your take?

Comfort Zone

Courage happens to be a core value at the organization I work for.  One of the topics covered in a department meeting this morning was about stepping out of one's comfort zone and having the courage to speak up, even if it's in opposition to the decision of a superior. 

The decision I made soon after this meeting is not courageous, but I am certainly stepping away from my comfort zone.  I resigned from a very stable job.  

You really do assess your priorities, when you become a parent.  And, I've been trying to make choices that are best for my family.  I realize that in the grand scheme of things, my decision does not trump the important ones that many of us have to face every day.  It barely even makes my own top 10.  But, hours later, I am still trying to convince my heart that it is the right decision. 

Although my current role is challenging, it is very comfortable.  I report to someone I adore and respect, which is rare, and work with a team that I'm quite fond of.  The problem is:  I know I can offer more.  My manager's boss is even aware of this.  However, given the amount of bureaucracy, it will take years before I can step into a role to do so.

I have accepted an offer to work for a company headquartered in another city, while remaining in the city I reside in currently.  Managing a department from another state will offer challenges all its own.  However, this opportunity also offers the flexibility of working remotely and reducing a lengthy commute for my spouse and me.

One of the reminders from my brain is that you'll never know what's on the other side, unless you take the leap.  For any of you who has ever stepped outside of your comfort zone, did you regret it, or did you learn and gain more than you imagined?