The life of a tiger cub already meant that I was called out for every flaw. I was too fat, not brilliant and inadequate
in every way. Once I stepped outside of
my front door, it became much worse. It
seemed like bullies were trying to kill or at least physically hurt me
constantly. They would follow or chase
me home, while using their fingers to slant their eyes, and everything hurtful and
ridiculous that could be said to someone was said to me including the
following:
·
Your family should go back to China!
·
Chinese people are so ugly.
·
You are so ugly!
·
You’re stupid.
·
I hate Chinese people.
·
Your interracial parents are an abomination.
·
Your squinty eyes can’t see me.
·
My mom told me not to take food from your
family, because it must be poisonous.
·
It disgusts me that a white man would marry your
mother.
My bullies came from every walk of life, ethnicity and age. For them, I was simply “different,” and that
was their reason for my torment. For a
long time, I actually believed that I deserved the ridicule. If adults also treat me like I’m worthless,
it must be so. They know better, because
I’m just a child.
By the time I made it to sixth grade, I became quite skilled at
defending myself physically and verbally.
Before I could do either, though, I learned how to run like Forrest
Gump.
Today, the children who are bullied probably have it worse than I did
as a latchkey kid. Unlike me, the
bullying may not stop temporarily simply because they run inside, lock the door
and hide in a closet. Living in a virtual
everything world doesn’t give them that luxury.
The news about 12 year-old Rebecca Sedwick's three-year ordeal and
suicide at a concrete plant is heart-breaking.
Her tormenters are only 12 and 14.
Sedwick’s parents did what they could, which included pulling her out of
school, but the bullying didn’t stop online.
I wish I could’ve pulled children like Rebecca Sedwick aside and tell
them to hang on and to not let the bullies get the last laugh, because they
certainly aren’t worth it. As my husband
says, “Even if the movie stinks, I have to know how it ends.”
If the parents and teachers can’t or won’t help, as Sedwick’s parents
tried to do, there is still hope.
So, how did I get through this and emerge as a confident and resilient adult? It wasn’t because I was a tough bitch since
birth. It isn’t because I have a thicker
layer of skin than most. It certainly
isn’t because an adult stepped in to help.
I cried out for it so many times.
No one came to my rescue. It was
because I stuck in there, knowing that elementary, middle and high school weren’t
eternal sentences. I refused to allow
the bullies to get the best of me. If
anything, I used the experience to help me reach my maximum potential.
At the height of my bullying, I did not allow the frustration and anger
to serve as my roadblocks. Why would I
want to support their opinions that I was worthless and stupid?
I knew that one day, I would be in the position to take control of my
life, and I used these emotions to fuel my determination to show the lowlifes
what I was made of. I knew that I could
earn the gratification to have them eat their words, and this is what I want to
tell these children to live for. Live to see the life you want to lead. Whether happiness for you means family,
security or becoming the next great whatever, use the anger and frustration to
go after it.
Better yet… Move so far ahead from
this time in your life that by adulthood, you don’t even feel angry anymore and
can hardly remember the faces of your bullies.
Move so far ahead that recalling a bullying experience for a blog
posting one day will require digging far into your memory bank.
This is not intended to sound simple, but I’m so grateful for my inner
voice of encouragement that gave me the momentum to keep moving forward. For the children who can’t find it, I’d be
happy to serve as that voice and stand between them and bullies.
I am so sad to know you were treated so poorly. I am also so thankful that you managed to come out the other side of it as the amazing person we know today. Mean people suck. I still deal with mean girls today. It is the downside of being "just a house wife" in a world of doctors. Even recently at a recruiting dinner when someone wondered about a neural process and I explained the neuro-chemical process responsible for the phenomenon I was greeted with a table full of stares as if the dog had just walked up to the table and spoke. I try to laugh, "yep, this trophy wife has brains" but it always hurts to know people think so little of me. Here is hoping we change the world in some small part with our refusal to participate in bullying and supporting our own children to stand up for others.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to learn that you're managing conversations with mean girls. For me, it's mean girls, mean moms and corporate bullies.
ReplyDeleteI am fully confident that if anyone can reshape their thinking, it's you. How unfortunate that they're so quick to place you in a box, they miss out on getting to know how extraordinary you are.
I realize that my personal impact may not be significant, but I will help my daughter understand the importance behind coming to the aid of others. A seemingly trivial effort like that may make a world of difference in providing the bullied child with hope, preventing him/her from harming others, or reversing the belief that suicide is the only solution. And, God help my daughter, if she becomes the mean girl/bully.
When I speak in public, it's always business-, technology- and marketing-related. I wish I played a role in a youth speaking circuit, so I can ensure children that THEY are worth hanging on for. I was told I wasn't worth anything, but I had to find out for myself if that was actually true..